when i’m old i’m going to say “or as they said in my day “yolo swag””
(via peppychoirbitch)
FYI: NEVER tell a girl, “Hey sweetie, how about a smile?” For all you know, her mouth is filled with bees.
(via daddywhorebucks)
IF YOU SAY THE WORD BATTERIES REALLY FAST IT SOUNDS LIKE YOURE SAYING “PARIS” IN A FRENCH ACCENT
WORD OF WARNING THIS ONLY WORKS IF YOU HAVE AN AMERICAN ACCENT IF NOT YOU WILL JUST SIT IN YOUR ROOM LIKE A KNOB SAYING BATTERIES
It sounded like i was saying ‘PATRICE’ in a french accent to be fair
(via peppychoirbitch)
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
